


Looking at the big sky

by theseatheseatheopensea



Category: Star Trek: Discovery
Genre: Character Study, Daydreaming, Found Family, Friendship, Gen, Post-Canon, Self-Discovery, letter writing, neurodivergent characters, space imagery
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-14
Updated: 2019-07-14
Packaged: 2020-06-28 09:54:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 574
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19809874
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theseatheseatheopensea/pseuds/theseatheseatheopensea
Summary: The world might never change, but she won't change either. Up here, among the stars and the dreams, she is enough. It might hurt, it might be difficult, but it will be OK. It will be wonderful.Tilly writes letters to Po.





	Looking at the big sky

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the [100fandoms](https://100fandoms.dreamwidth.org) challenge prompt #8 (star).
> 
> Title and inspiration taken from [The big sky](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QaDUFC8nigM), by Kate Bush.

_Who said anything about it hurting?_   
_It's gonna be beautiful_   
_It's gonna be wonderful_   
_It's gonna be paradise_

_(Just being alive, it can really hurt...)_   
_Ooh find me the man with the ladder_   
_And he might lift me up to the stars_

_(Without the pain there'd be no learning_   
_Without the hurting we'd never change.)_

\- Kate Bush: [Constellation of the heart](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jcoqfty8UQk).

*

She sits beneath the constellations in her window. She writes to Po in Xahea.

She writes about the stars in her ceiling, when she was a child. She can't remember a life without them. This sky, these stars, all these lonely planets. Fleeting but infinite. She loves them all. She's always wanted to go up there. She used to dream about space, but now she doesn't have to. She is here. Right here, among the stars.

And the stars cover her. And they love her back.

She writes about how much it hurts, when those who love you just don't _see_ you. She writes about her mother, who yelled and frowned, who judged her voice and her hair and her face and every mark on it. And her choices. And her life.

She writes about how she doesn't care anymore. (But, just in case, she keeps her hair neatly tied back, most of the time.)

She sits alone for hours, and she dreams. She is intense and fidgety and weird, and she tries too hard. She is too loud. She says too much, and not enough. She is a weird girl who loves everything. But it's OK. She sees the world in _such_ a way, and she writes about it. She knows that she is different. It's the way her brain works. And she knows that Po will understand.

She writes about the Academy, and how she loves it there. She loves to read and learn and _know_. And she writes about this beautiful ship she's in. It's so big and amazing, and there are so many things to learn here. So many words and machines and bright screens and lights and stars. And so many people.

Maybe she can be herself here. Maybe she can find herself.

She writes to Po in Xahea. She writes about Michael and her books. About how she runs with her every morning, and her voice and her eyes when she reads. She writes about how loyal and brave she is. How honest, how proud. She doesn't talk too much, but she understands.

She writes about science and math and physics and Lieutenant Stamets who's smart and odd and cross and fussy. He moves his hands around and looks at her and says _yes, Tilly, it is fucking cool._

She writes about the tardigrade. She writes about how she misses it so much, but she likes to think about it travelling, floating among the stars. Perfect and free, like it truly belongs there. The thought comforts her, and she tells Po about it. This same endless space, it's their home. The tardigrade lives here. So does Po.

And so does she.

And yes, she is too much, but she doesn't hide it. The world might never change, but she won't change either. Up here, among the stars and the dreams, she is enough. It might hurt, it might be difficult, but it will be OK. It will be wonderful. She can belong here. Here, among the words and the happiness, her heart cradled by the big sky.


End file.
